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Kirk Lazarus : I don't read the script. The script re me. Kirk Lazarus : I know who I am.

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That man's a national treasure. Here's my mothafuckin' farm! Fuck that, man! Autistic, sho'. The script re me.

Kirk Lazarus : That shit ain't funny. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.

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Kevin Sandusky : Hey, fellas Kirk Lazarus : You know that's a true story? This muthafucka's dead.

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Not retarded. Alpa Chino : I ain't fuckin' with you, Kangaroo Jack. Kirk Lazarus : You know that's a true story? Alpa Chino : I ain't fuckin' with you, Kangaroo Jack.

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Are you really going to abandon this movie? You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump. You went full retard, man. Kirk Lazarus : Nah! That's what I said, Nance. Fuck that, man! You don't buy that?

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This muthafucka's dead. Retarded, maybe. Went full retard, went home empty-handed. We're supposed to be a unit!

The script re me. Kirk Lazarus : Check it out. I'm sorry the dingo ate your baby!

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I guess I just never had the courage to ask. It's simple as pie pussj you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say "Hey! Alpa Chino : You know what? What's her name? I'm sorry the dingo ate your baby!

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Tran - Flaming Dragon Compound : Where is your farm You went full retard, man. You're about to cross some fuckin' lines.

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Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Maybe it's because I just knew I had to represent, because they had one good part in here for a black man and they gave it to Crocodile Dundee! You know any retarded war heroes? Kirk Lazarus : You say 'Listen here, Lance' He was a goddamn war hero. Kirk Lazarus : I know who I am. I'm the dude playin' the dude, disguised as another dude!

Kirk Lazarus : Dogs for sale iowa say 'Listen here, Lance' Not retarded. Retarded, maybe. The insecurity level with you guys is ridiculous!

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Alpa Chino : I just wanted to thrown another shrimp on your barbie! Alpa Chino : No! But he charmed the pants off Nixon and he won a ping-pong competition. Here's my mothafuckin' farm!